Everything and Nothing

That is how I would describe today. I got a lot done today. The kids were asleep and the house was (moderately) cleaned up by 8:30pm. That does not always happen. But at the same time, it was a Saturday where we did nothing. And I love those Saturdays.

In the late afternoon, I said to Nathanael, "this parenting 2 kids...it never lets up, does it? I mean, can I get a Saturday off?" I find myself thinking back on my days at Intel, especially on Saturdays, which is often just like every other day of the week, as far as diapers and feedings and naps go, and think about how I used to work so hard at my job all week. I would be mentally exhausted by the end of the week, and then, blessedly, I would get to sleep in on Saturday morning and groggily exit my room and meet Jaime in the loft where we would sit in our pajamas eating bowls of cereal and watch What Not to Wear for most of the morning. That seems so luxurious now.

Not long after this moment of Saturday afternoon weariness overcame me, while Ezekiel was asking Nathanael to sit on his bottom (what?) and I was dancing with Atticus because he wouldn't tolerate anything except me holding him, and dancing was just more interesting than standing, Nathanael played You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oats. And as I danced with Atticus, and then we all danced together, it occurred to me how true those words were. Nathanael, Ezekiel, and Atticus are all dreams come true for me. Cheesy, I know, but I don't care.

The dichotomy of life for me right now makes my head spin nearly all the time. I know these days are so precious and fleeting, and that in the future, I will look back upon them with a nostalgic ache in my heart, wishing for just one more day when my boys were little. And at the same time, I often think, "this is hard, and I'm tired. do I ever get a lazy Saturday morning again?" I get weary of the daily-ness of every day. BUT...I can do hard things. And I would not trade any of the dog days of motherhood, the ones behind me, or the ones to come, for even one of those Saturday mornings. I love every minute of this life.