We've gone a few times to a church in downtown Portland called Bridgetown. Our first Sunday there was the Sunday before Halloween. Some friends had invited us to go with them, and it was the first week of a new lesson series. The lesson series was called Unhurrying with a Rule of Life. On their website is paragraph describing the series:
Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life. To live the way of Jesus, we have to slow down. But this is not easy in the chaos of our urban, digital world. To experience the life of Jesus, we have to adopt the lifestyle of Jesus. Allow his pace and his practices to rule our lives. Hurry will sever your connection to God, to other people, and to your own soul. We must ask ourselves, who are we becoming? Slow down, learn the unforced rhythms of grace, and find rest for your soul.
I didn't read this until several days after the lesson this Sunday morning, but if I had, I would have paid close attention from the very beginning. As it was, I was distracted and a little stressed, as it is always a bit stressful when we go to a new church for the first time. This time, it was crowded and we were crammed up in the balcony. The boys were sitting with us, as they have been doing when we visit a new church. I was splitting my attention between the boys and the lesson, but as the lesson progressed and I began to understand what it was about, I started to really listen. As time passed and I continued to listen to the speaker, I started to feel like he was talking to me directly. I started to feel a stirring unlike any I had felt in years of sitting in church.
Here is what was beginning lodge itself into my heart: The sickness of busyness has created in me a spirit of idolotry. It has robbed me of spirituality. A feeling of busyness has severed my connections to God, other people, and my own soul, and it has severely impacted my ability to receive and give love.
I felt convicted about this as I heard it. I stood there listening, barely able to hold back the tears. It was in those moments that so many things clicked into place, understandings and acknowledgements, and I felt just a little bit broken. Nathanael asked me if I wanted him to buy the accompanying book they had for sale. I just nodded. We've been there every Sunday since. Not because it will be our church home, because it won't be. But because I need this right now. Nathanael needs it too, but in slightly different ways than I do. I believe God brought us to that church on that day so that we COULD hear that message and start a journey we needed to start.. This message...this change... it's what I've been looking for, praying for, and working for.
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I got a text from Nath on my way home. He had cried at his desk about Nora. It was the first anniversary of her death that day. I thought about her, and started to push it away. It's reflexive. I put things like grief, pain, and discomfort into boxes in my mind, and I never re-visit them.
But today, I said to myself, "no. do not leave this place." And I walked home, in that place. I thought about her. What it would be like with her with us. How it's been with her not. I thought about Megan. I felt breathless with the ache of it. And still, I would never understand the magnitude and depth of it all. I only get glimpses of it. It was a rare slowing down moment for me, but I hope to have more moments like that. An accumulation of these moments will make me feel like I'm not just skating along on the surface of my life. It's good for me to re-visit the boxes in my mind.
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Family Movie Night has been a thing for as long as anything has been a thing in our family. It's possible it was the first thing. A new layer of of tradition has been developing in regards to FMN recently that I am really enjoying. When Nathanael is away for work on a Friday night, the boys and I watch one of two things. A movie we've seen before that they want to see again, OR a movie about dogs. You would probably be surprised how many movies there are about dogs. It's a lot. And I'M always surprised by how easily I can be moved to tears by a movie about dogs. I don't really think of myself as the type of person to get choked up about dogs, but I've surprised myself in regards to dogs and emotions before. In case you are wondering, A Dog's Journey and A Dog's Way Home are great if you are looking for a good dog movie.
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I love cooking and baking with my boys. I harbor a deep desire in my heart to send them out into the world with a wealth of cooking skills that will serve them, and I work really hard to engage them and entice them into the kitchen. One recent night in particular brought me joy. Atticus picked out a recipe from a kids cook book, and he and I (mostly him!) made sausage rolls, and an apple crisp from a recipe that he got in preschool. Both of them turned out great, and we all loved both the sausage rolls and apple crisp. I felt a great sense of satisfaction and success in that moment.
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Halloween was fun! Ezekiel dressed up as Marshmello and Atticus dressed up as a dinosaur. For the second year in a row, except this year he wore a blow up dinosaur costume. We have a great neighborhood for trick or treating, and good friends to trick or treat with! We bought some new Halloween decorations this year to create a graveyard in our front courtyard, so Nathanael stayed home to oversee the graveyard and the trick or treaters. It will be fun to add a few new things to our graveyard each year.
Be kind. Show grace.
Misty
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