Sunday, October 25, 2009

Nesting?

what is this nesting business? Is that what I'm doing? I'm becoming obsessed with getting as much done as possible in our house before Ezekiel gets here. I desperately wish that Amanda was having an easy pregnancy. I think every day about how much emotional distress she is in, and I wish I could bear some of it for her. It surprises me how intensely I care for her, but it's because she is making her ultimate sacrifice for us. I wish she weren't suffering so, but if she weren't, then we wouldn't be where we are now. I just think it's brutal that she is not only dealing with the emotional pain of the adoption, but she is suffering in such a physical way right now as well. She is back home now, but has to take medication every 6 hours, and she has another doctor appointment on Wednesday. And thats all I know. It sucks to know barely anything. I feel so isolated. When we came home from church, and what I knew was that she was in the hospital again, I felt the need to get stuff done, so I frantically washed the dishes and started some laundry, and made dinner. I ordered her bracelet and made a list of all the stuff that I, now, urgently need to do tomorrow. I was looking for more things that I can do, that will then be done before he comes. I finished filing all the bills and organizing the bookshelves last week, and I worked in the backyard and the garage on Saturday. There are so many projects that I want to get done before he comes, and now I'm even more motivated to do as much as I can. I guess this frenzied get-as-much-done-as-I-can me is what they call "nesting", but that doesn't really seem to fit, to me. It's more like, crazy.

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