A story and January events

Sometimes, I just need to report the things as they've happened, so that I never ever forget it.  Last Friday night, I took the boys to the Hiteon Family Movie Night fundraiser. Nathanael was out of town, so it was a good activity to do while he was away. They were showing Incredibles 2 in the gym. Ezekiel had just that day received in the mail his beloved Bakugan toy, the purchase of which he carefully and thoughtfully planned out. He told me right before we left for Hiteon that he was going to take it with him, and he was NOT going to lose it. So I let him. I Everything went well at first. Ezekiel saw some of his friends. Then...he saw Paige. We happened to plant ourselves very near her, inadvertently, and at first, Ezekiel simply sat in his camping chair and held his pillow pet up next to his face, so as to "prevent her from seeing him". He's only 9, so I guess he doesn't know yet that this only drew attention to himself. He found some other friends from his class, and they did strange 9 year old stuff for a while. He asked me for money for the snack bar. I gave him some. He came and asked for more. I asked him what he was going to get, and he was vague. He said he couldn't tell me. So I laid it out for him: I might give you the money if you tell me what you are going to buy. He confessed it was for Paige. She needed another dollar to buy a soda, or something. So I gave him that dollar.

He'd been gone a while (the snack bar was in the cafeteria), and Atticus and I were enjoying the movie. I decided to go check on him. I found him casually, yet intentionally, sitting on a table in the cafeteria, along with Paige and a friend of hers, doing that thing where you are talking, awkwardly and painfully to the person you are crushing on, and loving every minute. The thrill of seeing someone you like outside of school hours, and the awkward conversation. I could see it all the moment I walked into the cafeteria, and as I walked towards the table, all of the similar moments from my youth played in my mind.

I sat down at the table with them. They were both drinking a soda. Ezekiel had popped the top off his can, and was playing with it, as one does. The first thing Ezekiel says is, "We have discovered that we get along now. We didn't before, but now we do. We've found things we have in common, like Minecraft. She likes to play Minecraft." This seemed to be really good news for both of them, so I expressed my joy at this turn of events. After a few moments, I said I would leave them to it, and I returned to the gym. I didn't know what "it" would be, but I know I wished I had a hidden camera in there to capture all the lovely awkwardness. As I walked out of the cafeteria, I could not wipe the smile off my face. It was my first real moment that I felt like I have a child who is not just a little boy, but also a young person with confusing feelings toward another human and all that comes with that.

The  movie concluded, and Atticus and I start packing up. Ezekiel arrives and helps. We walk out of the gym and load ourselves into the car. Suddenly, I hear from the back seat Ezekiel shrieking, "No, no, no!!!" I knew immediately what that meant. He didn't have his Bakugan. Please, let it still be in the cafeteria. I told him to run in to look, so he did. Atticus and I slowly followed. We met him in the hallway, as he came out of he cafeteria. He was already crying. He had left it on the table in the cafeteria, and it was gone. Someone had taken it. We looked around a bit, but it was clearly gone, and I could see his emotions were about to bubble over. I quickly ushered him out to the car and once were were safely within the confines of our car, hysteria was unleashed. I mean, he came UNGLUED. He had only had it for a few hours, and how could anybody take it, and he wants it back, and he wants another one! My role here, it seemed, was to be sympathetic, patient, and to ride it out. But it sure was a long ride. It was as if an irreplaceable precious valuable (like his monkey) had been lost forever, instead of a $15 easily replaceable toy. In his defense, he did work hard for that Amazon gift card, half of which he spent on the now lost Bakugan.

Slowly, very slowly, his hysteria and grief ebbed. Once home, I quickly offered bed time vitamins to usher in sleep as quickly as possible. It seemed needed. During this time of anguish, it was very difficult for me not to simply click buy on Amazon and have another Bakugan on our doorstep in 2 days time. But that would not have been memorable. This was. The elation, the excitement of an unexpected evening spent talking with a first crush. Followed by The Sadness, The Tears, The Heartache of loss.

And in that moment, he was still my little boy.


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We had the pleasure of visiting 3 different churches in January.

• While the boys and I were visiting my mom for a weekend, we went to Gateway church where Amber and Brian now attend.
• The following week, we all went to Cascade church in SW Portland, to support Rian and Jessica in their first worship leading service there.
• After that, the boys and I visited Westside: A Jesus Church, where we met up with Charlotte and her kids. It is nice, but loud there. 

Nathanael's trips in January:

• Nashville
• Sacramento