Hot Shame

Today, I was the worst mom to my kids. And I mean that.

I yelled.

I yanked.

I shamed.

I was unkind.

I was impatient.

We had confession tonight. It was badly needed. We all apologized and confessed our myriad of sins today. My desperate hope is that the ugly of today, of me, will not lodge itself into their hearts and stay there. I pray that God will extend grace and cleanse their hearts and mine; theirs of the damage I may have done, mine of the dark, jagged edges that always seem to exist there.

Do you ever wonder if there is someone better equipped to raise one of your children? I do.

A lot of times, I don't feel capable of handling Atticus' behavior with grace and patience. The thoughtless, reckless, unkind, destructive, insensitive things he does on a regular basis makes me feel like I'm something inhuman.

Here are some things I thought about today.

• To know, and be known. I can't be known if I don't share the ugly parts of life and me. 
• The woman at the well. She stood before Jesus, in shame. I did that too. 
• Will that woman behind us in line report me to the authorities for pulling on Atticus' arm?
• Do I need counseling for anger management?