Closer

Since the last time I posted, Amanda has had 2 more hospital visits. One for the stomach flu, and another just last weekend for dizziness and a severe headache, and possible problems with her blood pressure. Ezekiel is always perfect, even though Amanda suffers in one form or another. Dana says it's because she is in such a state of panic about what she is going to have to do soon. I guess her parents are having a hard time with it too. Robyn wrote Amanda and her parents very nice emails at Dana's suggestion, to help to give them encouragement. Amanda is off bedrest and the Trebutaline now. Her doctor said last week that she didn't expect him until after Thanksgiving, though. That was good news for me, at least. I feel like the more days I have prior to him getting here, the more I can accomplish. It's crazy how crazy I am about getting stuff done. Every little thing I get done, I think, "oh, good. One more thing I don't have to do after he gets here". But at the same time, I am so excited to see him! But I know that he will get here inevitably, and I'll start really wanting him to come soon when Dec 1st rolls around, so we can make it home in time to go up to Washington for Christmas.

I know that plans are underway for my baby shower. I am excited about it. I like some of Val's ideas that she has told me about.

We have secured a place to stay in Houston. Yay! I finally worked up the courage to call Dana's mom, since she had offered for us to stay with them. She was very gracious, and said we could stay at their house, and then Amanda told me this week that Denise's father in law Les has a big house not far from Denise's, and we could stay there as well. It's times like this that it is so great being a member of God's church. He provides for us so expertly.

Other great news! Nathanael's boss offered his Southwest vouchers to us for our trips to Houston and back. We are so thankful. Again, God is blessing us and taking care of us each day. He will help us get through the financial burdens of the adoption.

I'm anxious about seeing Amanda in the hospital. I'm afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, or not meeting her expectations. I know she will be watching our every move once we have Ezekiel in our arms, and I don't want to disappoint her. I pray about that a lot. That the hospital time will go smoothly, as well as the legal stuff. Nathanael talked to his aunt Kelly about that, and she shared her stories about her time with both of her kid's birth moms. She had a very interesting perspective on that time. It was very precious to her, and she wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. It's helping me to change my perspective on that time as well, and maybe look forward to it a little, instead of being anxious about it. After all, Dana will be there the whole time, and she will take care of anything that I cannot.

On a more selfish note, I'm really hoping he doesn't decide to come on any of Southwest's blackout days. Today is one of them. The day is almost over, so we're off to a good start. Here's hoping he doesn't come tomorrow either, since that is a blackout day too!

Holiday outfits

I got a package from my mom yesterday, she sent me the CUTEST Christmas outfit for Ezekiel. It is my favorite so far. I just need to find little red pants to go with it, and he'll be all ready for Christmas!

No change with Amanda. She is scheduled to be off bedrest and Trebutaline on the 17th of this month.

I have been painting part of the changing table, but I ran out of white paint, so I'll need to get some more to finish that project.

I'm nervous about where we are going to stay when we get to Texas. I'm going to call Megan's friend Dana's parents, who live in Houston, to ask them if we can stay at their house. It's kind of an awkward phone call to make, but we can't afford to stay in a hotel for 2 weeks.

I'm feeling a little anxious about how everything is going to work out- at the hospital, the legal stuff, logistics, the transportation, etc. I think it's just because I have no idea what to expect, except that one way or another, I'm coming home with a baby.

People frequently question, in one form or another, whether I'm nervous about Amanda changing her mind. Frankly, I'm not. Every time she goes back to the hospital, she re-assures us that she's not changing her mind, via Dana. And I simply can't be thinking things like that. I'm truly not worried about it, I have complete faith that she will do what she says she will do.

When I hold Phineas, it just does not really click in my brain that I'll be having a baby that size soon. I look at him, but it doesn't register with me. I can't get past the feeling that at some point, I'll just give him back to someone. I guess it'll be a real shock for my mind when it realizes that he belongs to me.

It might be this month

Well, November is here. I'm faced with the possibility that Ezekiel might be born in the current month, but I'm still holding out for December. Nathanael and I have some wagers going, on his birth date, and his birth weight. The winner gets to choose his Christmas outfit and his first church outfit.

Amanda had a doctor visit today, not much had changed, which is a good thing these days. She is still taking the anti-contraction meds every 8 hours, but I guess she is not on quite as strict bedrest, she is just supposed to take it easy. Her next appointment is November 17th, when her doctor will take her off the the meds, and anything goes after that! I guess I should plan on being ready in 2 weeks. :) I'm selfishly glad that it seems like we will be able to make it down to So Cal and back for our little mini vacation before she goes into labor. I'm really looking forward to that trip!

I went to Costco for my monthly shopping trip today. The only difference with this trip is that I bought diapers, formula, and wipes. That felt kind of strange.

I'm going to do some work in Ezekiel's room on Wednesday. And I need to buy a mattress, pronto. I've been keeping an ongoing packing list, so that when it comes time to pack for Houston, and I'm flustered because it's sooner than I expected, I don't have to think, just consult my list. I think it's brilliant.

Holding Steady

Amanda had a doctor visit this morning. She's only dilated 1/2 a centimeter since Sunday, and I guess that is good news. She is measuring perfectly, and his heartbeat is great. She is still on strict bedrest for now. Her next doctor visit is on Monday.

I went to my grandmas house yesterday, and was sent home with a pack and play, some burp cloths, and a few articles of clothing. The pack and play is from a garage sale, but I set it up and examined it in the sunlight today, and it's in pretty good shape, so I guess I'll keep it. The burp cloths were new, of course.

We got our Ezekiel shirts in the mail this week. Hooray! They look great, we both love them. I'm so happy to have them already. We plan to wear them the day of his birth.

As far as legal/logistical matters go, I called Southwest airlines and found that they will need a medical waiver form if we will be flying with Ezekiel before his is 14 days old. Which apparently just means a note from a doctor giving him clearance to fly. So thats one more thing that I know now. I think I have everything squared away with the Texas attorney for now. It was a little frustrating there for a while, not knowing what I'm doing and getting different answers from different people. I'm really hoping that we are not going to get held up in Texas while California decides they need more paperwork.

Dan and Robyn sent us a cute little outfit from Gymboree that we got in the mail this week. Getting clothes for him is so fun. I love it.

Nesting?

what is this nesting business? Is that what I'm doing? I'm becoming obsessed with getting as much done as possible in our house before Ezekiel gets here. I desperately wish that Amanda was having an easy pregnancy. I think every day about how much emotional distress she is in, and I wish I could bear some of it for her. It surprises me how intensely I care for her, but it's because she is making her ultimate sacrifice for us. I wish she weren't suffering so, but if she weren't, then we wouldn't be where we are now. I just think it's brutal that she is not only dealing with the emotional pain of the adoption, but she is suffering in such a physical way right now as well. She is back home now, but has to take medication every 6 hours, and she has another doctor appointment on Wednesday. And thats all I know. It sucks to know barely anything. I feel so isolated. When we came home from church, and what I knew was that she was in the hospital again, I felt the need to get stuff done, so I frantically washed the dishes and started some laundry, and made dinner. I ordered her bracelet and made a list of all the stuff that I, now, urgently need to do tomorrow. I was looking for more things that I can do, that will then be done before he comes. I finished filing all the bills and organizing the bookshelves last week, and I worked in the backyard and the garage on Saturday. There are so many projects that I want to get done before he comes, and now I'm even more motivated to do as much as I can. I guess this frenzied get-as-much-done-as-I-can me is what they call "nesting", but that doesn't really seem to fit, to me. It's more like, crazy.

baby saga

Amanda is in the hospital again. Dana came up to me after services tonight and showed me a text message from her that says she is having contractions, she is in a lot of pain, they've given her Demorol but it makes things worse, her cervix is not opening, so that is good, and some other stuff that I can't remember. I think this is the third time she has visited the hospital in the last several weeks. This is turning out to be quite the rollercoaster ride, and I feel quite helpless. I texted her right after church to tell her we are praying for her and to let us know what is going on, but I haven't heard back from her, so I don't know what is happening.

Just waiting

So the lastest baby news is that Ezekiel is a rock star. He has been banging his head against Amanda's bladder tonight. He's a busy boy! I need to start making lodging arrangements for our stay in Houston, and I'm going to start a packing list for our trip next week. I'll probably hang a few things in his room next week. I've been obsessed with my registry lists, I want them to be perfect. I make changes to it as I read up on products in Consumer Reports Best Baby Products, to make sure we are registered for just the right products.