Confessions and Conversations

Well, I did it, everyone. Thanks in large part to hours spent on an airplane and in airports, I've read 3 books in the last month, completing the entire Wayward Pines series by Blake Crouch. I can't even begin to tell you what a huge accomplishment this is for me. I love reading, but I get so distracted by other things that I percieve to be demanding my time, that I have squeezed it out of my life, essentially. The sense of satisfaction I feel from having completed 3 books in the last month is enormous, and I hope to continue this trend.

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New blog segment alert!

Confessions of a coffee wife

My confessions are neither good nor bad, just things I've never spoken aloud before regarding coffee. Here is my first confession...I like drinking coffee out of tiny drinking vessels. In small quantities. I actively dislike large ceramic and travel mugs. I like to drink a small amount, all at once. And then maybe again an hour later. Or not, if I don't want to. Either way. So that's it. First confession complete.

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I recently traveled to the Bentonville and Rogers part of Arkansas with Nathanael. I always have a good time when I have the opportunity to travel with him. My standard practices while I am traveling with him for work are:

Sleep in.
Explore city by myself.
Meet up with Nathanael for dinner and a fun evening with coffee people.

This trip was a little different, in that the coolest thing in Rogers was Onyx Coffee Lab, so I was there a lot. One of the things that really stood out on this trip was how many people asked me how Nathanael is doing and how many people were genuinely concerned about him and interested in his recovery. It was overwhelming and touching. He is blessed to have a coffee community that loves him.

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I've been starting to think about 2020. I've always liked to have a theme or idea for each year that I think about or pursue. One year, it was "Ease and Delight". Another year, it was "Reflection", another one was "Chasing Slow".


I'm considering what it will be for 2020. One that is at the top of my list right now is "Embrace Discomfort". I know, this might sound weird for an annual life theme. But the thing is, I spend a lot of time and energy doing things that make me comfortable. What if I stepped outside of my comfort zone more frequently and did things that made me uncomfortable? What blessings could I bring to other people by doing that?  I'll revisit this once I decide on a theme for 2020.

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It's been several weeks since Nathanael was home on a Sunday. This past Sunday, we visited a church called Door of Hope in Portland. I really liked the message. The speaker talked about being a conduit for Jesus' love. I've been thinking about this. It wasn't a new concept for me....it's just that, I don't often frame my interactions with people in this context. Especially my family. For me, showing Jesus' love and kindness needs to start here. With my family. In my home. Why is it that sometimes it is easier to show love and be kind to people I don't know well? The challenge is in the dailyness of showing love and being kind to those I love and interact with every day. It's hard. It's uncomfortable sometimes. Well, for me it is. But it's also desperately needed.

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There was something that happened one day this week that happens often. Here is the way this scenario usually plays out: Nathanael forgets something at home that he needs at work, but he's ridden his bike to work, and I have the car. He calls and asks if I can bring it. I respond with frustration and impatience, because I don't want to re-arrange my schedule that day.

But today, instead of this event simmering in our respective hearts and breaking down our relationship, we had a measured discussion about it later that day. It was productive. And if I'm being truly honest, this is where the whole "being a conduit for Jesus' love" thing breaks down for me. In these scenarios, he has a need I can meet. My perception and feeling is that I'm too busy and my schedule has already been arranged for the day, and it's a huge imposition for me. But is it? Who is it that I should I be the MOST kind to? Be the MOST flexible for? If not him, than who? My heart's response to these specific needs of his reveal some of the darkest edges of my heart. That I'm NOT, in fact, a kind person, in and of myself. That I'm not generous with my time and resources, rather, I hoard them so they can serve my own purposes. I withhold these things, saving them for a more worthy cause, or an emergency. But what is more worthy than kindness towards the one I love the most? This seems to make sense, but my mind seems to have taken this truth and twisted it around. It was hard for me today, to speak frankly about the natural state of unkindness of my heart. I want it to be different. The way this sometime ends is, he senses I'm put out by his request, and he says "nevermind, I can see this will be an impostion for you". We hang up, but I go anyway, because my guilt about how I've responded is too great to ignore.

 If I'm committed to discomfort in 2020 and showing exceptional kindness to the ones I love, even when it's hard, especially when it's hard, I need to face these truths about the condition of my heart, even speak them out into the blog-verse. It is only in the breaking of these strongholds in my life that I can truly be a conduit of Jesus' love.

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In closing this post today, here is brief conversation I had with Atticus this week that I hope brings a smile to your face the way it did for me.


A: I'm going to play Forza in your bedroom, because Ezekiel is playing in the living room.

Me: Okay. (Time passes)

A: Can I re-install it?

Me: Sure. (More time passes)

A: It's taking a long time.

Me (looking at the TV): Yes, it says it's going to take 7 hours. That's weird. Why don't you play something else while you wait? There's lots of other games.

A (exasperated sigh): Mom! There's only 20 games on this xbox!

#firstworldproblemsaren'tproblems

Be kind. Show grace.

Misty

Today was a Good day

Summer craziness is coming to a close. Today, finally, FINALLY, I began to feel like I'm getting my life back in order. Hence, the blog post. But more on summer fun in a later post.

Today was a good day. Although, it could be argued that every day is a good day in my life. Because it is. But today is a good day compared to yesterday, which was a day I struggled through, versus today, which I breezed through. And here's why, I think.

I read this on facebook last night:

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1) 

I sought a shelter from the storms
Of life, and as they beat
Upon my craft's frail, trembling sides,
God whispered, "No retreat,
But rather strength to face the task,
To make your work complete."

"But, Lord, "I cried, "it is too great
A job for me to do."
And He agreed it was too much
For one, but not for two.
"Have faith," He cried, "Have I not said
That I will see you through?"
-John W. Little

As is God's way, that was just what I needed. Yesterday, I felt like I lacked the strength to face the task of managing my life and family. Today, I knew I lacked the strength, but I remembered that God would see me through. It makes all the difference, and I don't know why I forget it so much. Simple things. Things I know. I feel burdened, and I shouldn't. God has placed me here for a reason, and he will see me through.

Some little things...

*Ezekiel and I listened to "God is Bigger Than the Boogie Man" before bed. He loves that song, and I love that he loves it.

*I got the kitchen and dining room floors vacuumed and mopped. YES, FINALLY. They were so gross.

*We went for a walk to the high school today. We used to do that a lot before Atticus was born, and I'm glad we are doing it again with him. We tried to see the band, but we missed them.

*I had a HOT shower today. Yeah!

*Atticus had a bout of constipation this morning, due to a change in formula. It was very sad. As Ezekiel and I watched helplessly, comforting him as much as we could, we prayed that God would help him poop. It was a very special moment. Even more so later in the afternoon, when Ezekiel said, "And then we prayed to God to help Atticus poop, and then he did!"

*Ezekiel and I made a spectacular dinner in the crock pot today, entirely by accident. I had a pound of cube steak that was about to expire, and I put the crock pot on the floor in the kitchen, while Ezekiel put in cream of mushroom soup, water, salt and pepper, spices, a potato, and carrots. I rarely just "toss" things in the crock pot like that, but it was amazing! I'm so glad I have a use for cube steaks now! They've been just taking up space in my freezer for a long time.

Everything and Nothing

That is how I would describe today. I got a lot done today. The kids were asleep and the house was (moderately) cleaned up by 8:30pm. That does not always happen. But at the same time, it was a Saturday where we did nothing. And I love those Saturdays.

In the late afternoon, I said to Nathanael, "this parenting 2 kids...it never lets up, does it? I mean, can I get a Saturday off?" I find myself thinking back on my days at Intel, especially on Saturdays, which is often just like every other day of the week, as far as diapers and feedings and naps go, and think about how I used to work so hard at my job all week. I would be mentally exhausted by the end of the week, and then, blessedly, I would get to sleep in on Saturday morning and groggily exit my room and meet Jaime in the loft where we would sit in our pajamas eating bowls of cereal and watch What Not to Wear for most of the morning. That seems so luxurious now.

Not long after this moment of Saturday afternoon weariness overcame me, while Ezekiel was asking Nathanael to sit on his bottom (what?) and I was dancing with Atticus because he wouldn't tolerate anything except me holding him, and dancing was just more interesting than standing, Nathanael played You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall and Oats. And as I danced with Atticus, and then we all danced together, it occurred to me how true those words were. Nathanael, Ezekiel, and Atticus are all dreams come true for me. Cheesy, I know, but I don't care.

The dichotomy of life for me right now makes my head spin nearly all the time. I know these days are so precious and fleeting, and that in the future, I will look back upon them with a nostalgic ache in my heart, wishing for just one more day when my boys were little. And at the same time, I often think, "this is hard, and I'm tired. do I ever get a lazy Saturday morning again?" I get weary of the daily-ness of every day. BUT...I can do hard things. And I would not trade any of the dog days of motherhood, the ones behind me, or the ones to come, for even one of those Saturday mornings. I love every minute of this life.

More "Why I love my husband"

Some of these may be repeats. But I guess that goes to show what is important to me.


Reason #14: He buys me awesome and thoughtful gifts

Reason #15: He is quick to apologize (even when he hasn't done anything wrong)

Reason #16: He is amazing at not one job, but two

Reason #17: He loves our son more than everything but me

Reason #18: He has a passion for God and the truth that is infectious, and he is not afraid to share it

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It is often at unexpected times when nostalgia strikes. I was washing bottles last week (something I have grown weary of in the last year), and also washing the bowl that I have soaked them in for a year now in order to put it away, since our bottle usage is shrinking. As I stood at the sink doing this, I felt a pang of sadness at what it meant. My baby isn't a baby anymore, and I can officially say that, since he is one now. This means a lot of changes, only one of them being fewer bottles, but for some reason, it was this change that invoked the bittersweet feelings. It's true, I am tired of washing bottles and having bottle aparatus on the counter. But for the last year, it has meant that my baby is just that, a baby. As I begin to put away bottle stuff, I also put away our baby days into my memory banks. Toddler days, here we come!

I hope everyone is having a happy happy Christmas!

Isn't this lovely? All our Christmas cards on display! We are so blessed to have so many people in our lives who love us.

Until next time,

Misty

The one with the pomegranate

I like to eat pomegranates.

I never used to eat them, I figured it was too difficult to extract the seeds to eat them. Nathanael and I tried it one time several years ago, and I was left with the distinct impression that it was more trouble than it was worth.

But I recently discovered, thanks to the internet, an easier way to "de-seed a pomegranate". I wouldn't say it is fast - it still takes some patience. But it is simple and easy. And now I have discovered the joy of the pomegranate seed.

As I was de-seeding 2 pomegranates at the sink this week, my hands immersed in the warm water, my fingers methodically working to separate the seeds from the rind, my mind journeying down various paths, I found it to be a surprisingly cathartic and satisfying experience.

The water was warm, and my hands were cold. I don't usually immerse my hands in warm water for any length of time, and it felt really good to warm them up that way.

I have a very lovely back yard to look at, which I took advantage of admiring while I was de-seeding.

I was looking forward to the fruits of my labor, literally. I love the little burst of flavor that a pomegranate seed provides.

I thought about how pomegranates are mentioned in the bible, and how they have been around for thousands of years. All kinds of people have eaten them. I wonder how people in bible times de-seeded them? Did they immerse them in water, like I did? Did Jesus eat pomegranates? Did he like them? I felt a small connection to history as I stood there de-seeding my pomegranate, here in the 21st century...

~~~

It's a rainy, gloomy day here in the Northwest, but I can't say I'm disappointed. I'm still in my pajamas, and Nathanael and Ezekiel have left for the sporting goods store, leaving me to enjoy my blogging, my home, my life.



God is good, and he lavishes blessings upon me and my family at a rate that I can barely keep up with.


I hope you are enjoying your Saturday!


Until next time,
Misty

some Saturday things

So I guess we're not going to the Japanese Gardens today. It's raining, and although I don't mind the rain, I'm disappointed. Maybe another day.

I've finally had it with my tea kettle. It has made me angry enough that it is going in the trash. When I use my tea kettle every day to boil water, I expect a certain level of performance from it, and my current one just is not performing. First of all, it always leaks when I pour water out of the spout, and that has always been annoying. It's not the kettle's fault - it's poorly designed. And the final straw was when it burned me with boiling water this morning. I'll admit, I probably tried to pour water out of it too soon, but that is no excuse. I'm done with it. I'm going to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get a new one. Goodbye, yellow Lance Armstrong poorly designed tea kettle.

The burn

naughty tea kettle

In other news, my Apple Struesel Coffee Cake turned out great. It's for Adrian. She babysits for me sometimes, and I really appreciate it.

And finally, something from my heart. Making new friends is great fun, I've really been having a good time getting to know the Portland folks. But I miss my friends in Folsom. Specifically, here are some things that I miss the most.

*Watching Lost in my pajamas at Dave and Michelle's house

*Games and game candy at the Mowrer's - sometimes also in my pajamas

*Fall game parties

*dinner and opera music at the Kloss house

*weeknight dinners at the Rembleski's, and sometimes a game, but mostly just talking in their living room

*the ranch

*Seeing Dave and Charlie standing outside the church building as I walk up

*Donna Thompson, and everything about her

*Val and the girls coming over

*all the babies

*Ben and Nathanael sitting around the firepit and talking

*Alicia's hugs and smile

I think I'm going to be needing a visit to Folsom very soon.

Until next time,

Misty

A Sunday of undecided weather

The weather couldn't decide what it wanted to do today. First it rained, and then it was sunny, and then it rained again. Crazy Oregon fall weather. I love it.

Sundays are my favorite days of the week. For several reasons. I get to worship God with some of my favorite people, and I get to be with Nathanael all day, and on top of that, I get to watch him talk for 25-30 minutes. Today was extra special, because he led singing too. :)

Every time he is about to preach a sermon or teach a class, I say a little prayer. I pray that God will use him to His glory, that he will speak with wisdom and truth, and that he will be invisible, and that instead, Christ will be seen in him.

Ezekiel has decided that all at once, he wants to be a little boy, instead of a baby. He definitely has a tooth coming in, not only can I feel it with my finger, but I saw it with my own eyes today! He also definitely, for sure crawled at least 5 crawl steps twice today. It's almost as if he will only do it when we're not looking, but I'm sneakier than he is. Something else to write on the first year calendar!

If you are spending time with someone you love, breathe. It will allow you to be present with that person, rather than thinking about work or other things you need to do.

If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.

So breathe. And enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.

Until tomorrow,

Misty

About Today

Bible class tonight was awesome! Nathanael taught class on the book of Jonah. It was the neatest study of Jonah that I've ever done. Nathanael does such a great job at leading a discussion, and everyone who commented had something interesting and unique to say. I love hearing how other people read and perceive scripture.

I got a very lovely compliment and thank you at class from a woman I admire.

Ezekiel and I had a great day today. Nothing really noteworthy happened, but it was still a great day. He's such a good boy, and I cherish these days that we spend together. I know they won't last forever.

It's amazing to me how, in moments when I start feeling low, God gives me something to lift my spirits. That he attends to me, a single individual in the vast world that he created, full of millions of people that he is also loving and caring for every moment, is humbling and awe inspiring.

One of my favorite things that I read on the internet today:

Great joy can be experienced from even the smallest, seemingly inconsequential thing by going deeper into the experience and not just flitting along the surface of it. Go deep with it, relish it, and store that moment away in your memory banks. These small joys are the moments that make up a meaningful life.

Until tomorrow,

Misty

A tribute post

I feel compelled to share some of my thoughts about my mom and Nathanael's parents. So here they are.

It's been fantastic seeing more of our parents, which we have, in the short time since we've been living in Oregon. I already know Nathanael's parents better than I did, and spending more time with my mom than I have in years has been a blessing.

In addition to those things, we have experienced more generosity, graciousness, and kindness from our parents than we have in the 4 short years since we've been married. They have helped us move, babysat, bought us meals, given us money, loaned us money, made cookies, scooped ice cream, bought Ezekiel clothes, bought Ezekiel toys, fixed things, cleaned our house, washed bottles, cooked us meals, ran errands...the list is endless.

I know these are the things that parents do for their kids. I would do all these things too for Ezekiel and his wife, whenever they needed it. And maybe they enjoy having more opportunities to do things for us, now that we live closer.

It's just that, sometimes I feel like a drain on their resources when we're with them.

But what I also know is that in our season of leanness and at times, our moments of need, our parents have been there for us, either meeting a physical need with a physical resource, or encouraging and supporting us with their wise words and years of experience.

They are selfless.

I am so thankful that we have them for parents, and I hope and pray that Nathanael and I can be for our children what they have been for us.

I love you.

~~~

Here is the video clip that I mentioned in my post yesterday.

@The Park from Radthanael on Vimeo.

Until tomorrow,

Misty

Treasures in Jars of Clay

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." II Corinthians 4:7

Thank you that I, a common earthenware jug, contain the priceless treasure of Your life and glory, and so my every victory and accomplishment comes from Your all-prevailing power, and not from me.

Halloween's coming

I bought Ezekiel's Halloween costume today at Costco. I wasn't even thinking about Halloween, but Dan and Robyn are always thinking ahead like that. :) And we all know how quickly awesome items go at Costco.

Courtesy of Grammy and Poppa, here are the latest additions to Ezekiel's wardrobe!

For Ezekiel's much anticipated First Halloween, he is going to be....

A Dragon!!!

{I think it's a dragon. It has a scaly back, and now that I'm looking at it, I suppose it could be a dinasaur as well. But I prefer it to be a dragon.}

New fleece pajamas for winter. These are 18 month, if you are wondering why they look so big. I bought them big on purpose, so he can wear them through the winter.

New cotton pajamas, for now. At least, for the nights when it's not sweltering, and he's not sleeping in just his diaper. These are for sure dinasaurs. I can at least tell that.

Thank you, Grammy and Poppa!

On a side note, I've decided I am not on board with the "make your own Halloween costume" philosophy. This costume was $12 at Costco. I guarantee I would spend that or more on supplies to make a costume. And then, there is the time and anguish trying to decide what to make, where to get the supplies, and the hours put into making it. Toss in my penchant for perfection, and I'm already stressed out just thinking about it.

There is something delightfully pleasant about rocking in a chair on the front porch, eagerly anticipating the arrival of company. It's one of the simple pleasures in life.

I'm so glad Shala came down for a visit. I'm really enjoying being closer to family, and seeing all of them more often. It eases the sadness of missing my Folsom friends.