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New blog segment alert!
Confessions of a coffee wife
My confessions are neither good nor bad, just things I've never spoken aloud before regarding coffee. Here is my first confession...I like drinking coffee out of tiny drinking vessels. In small quantities. I actively dislike large ceramic and travel mugs. I like to drink a small amount, all at once. And then maybe again an hour later. Or not, if I don't want to. Either way. So that's it. First confession complete.
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I recently traveled to the Bentonville and Rogers part of Arkansas with Nathanael. I always have a good time when I have the opportunity to travel with him. My standard practices while I am traveling with him for work are:
Sleep in.
Explore city by myself.
Meet up with Nathanael for dinner and a fun evening with coffee people.
This trip was a little different, in that the coolest thing in Rogers was Onyx Coffee Lab, so I was there a lot. One of the things that really stood out on this trip was how many people asked me how Nathanael is doing and how many people were genuinely concerned about him and interested in his recovery. It was overwhelming and touching. He is blessed to have a coffee community that loves him.
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I've been starting to think about 2020. I've always liked to have a theme or idea for each year that I think about or pursue. One year, it was "Ease and Delight". Another year, it was "Reflection", another one was "Chasing Slow".
I'm considering what it will be for 2020. One that is at the top of my list right now is "Embrace Discomfort". I know, this might sound weird for an annual life theme. But the thing is, I spend a lot of time and energy doing things that make me comfortable. What if I stepped outside of my comfort zone more frequently and did things that made me uncomfortable? What blessings could I bring to other people by doing that? I'll revisit this once I decide on a theme for 2020.
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It's been several weeks since Nathanael was home on a Sunday. This past Sunday, we visited a church called Door of Hope in Portland. I really liked the message. The speaker talked about being a conduit for Jesus' love. I've been thinking about this. It wasn't a new concept for me....it's just that, I don't often frame my interactions with people in this context. Especially my family. For me, showing Jesus' love and kindness needs to start here. With my family. In my home. Why is it that sometimes it is easier to show love and be kind to people I don't know well? The challenge is in the dailyness of showing love and being kind to those I love and interact with every day. It's hard. It's uncomfortable sometimes. Well, for me it is. But it's also desperately needed.
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There was something that happened one day this week that happens often. Here is the way this scenario usually plays out: Nathanael forgets something at home that he needs at work, but he's ridden his bike to work, and I have the car. He calls and asks if I can bring it. I respond with frustration and impatience, because I don't want to re-arrange my schedule that day.
But today, instead of this event simmering in our respective hearts and breaking down our relationship, we had a measured discussion about it later that day. It was productive. And if I'm being truly honest, this is where the whole "being a conduit for Jesus' love" thing breaks down for me. In these scenarios, he has a need I can meet. My perception and feeling is that I'm too busy and my schedule has already been arranged for the day, and it's a huge imposition for me. But is it? Who is it that I should I be the MOST kind to? Be the MOST flexible for? If not him, than who? My heart's response to these specific needs of his reveal some of the darkest edges of my heart. That I'm NOT, in fact, a kind person, in and of myself. That I'm not generous with my time and resources, rather, I hoard them so they can serve my own purposes. I withhold these things, saving them for a more worthy cause, or an emergency. But what is more worthy than kindness towards the one I love the most? This seems to make sense, but my mind seems to have taken this truth and twisted it around. It was hard for me today, to speak frankly about the natural state of unkindness of my heart. I want it to be different. The way this sometime ends is, he senses I'm put out by his request, and he says "nevermind, I can see this will be an impostion for you". We hang up, but I go anyway, because my guilt about how I've responded is too great to ignore.
If I'm committed to discomfort in 2020 and showing exceptional kindness to the ones I love, even when it's hard, especially when it's hard, I need to face these truths about the condition of my heart, even speak them out into the blog-verse. It is only in the breaking of these strongholds in my life that I can truly be a conduit of Jesus' love.
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In closing this post today, here is brief conversation I had with Atticus this week that I hope brings a smile to your face the way it did for me.
A: I'm going to play Forza in your bedroom, because Ezekiel is playing in the living room.
Me: Okay. (Time passes)
A: Can I re-install it?
Me: Sure. (More time passes)
A: It's taking a long time.
Me (looking at the TV): Yes, it says it's going to take 7 hours. That's weird. Why don't you play something else while you wait? There's lots of other games.
A (exasperated sigh): Mom! There's only 20 games on this xbox!
#firstworldproblemsaren'tproblems
Be kind. Show grace.
Misty
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